Everything I have read about MS health mentions getting plenty of rest. Immediately, I am screwed. I have never been a good sleeper. Almost every night I wake up in the middle of the night and either cannot fall back asleep or lay awake for a couple of hours before finally falling back asleep.

I can see the effect that lack of sleep has and how it impacts me differently already. I have gotten pretty used to being a functioning adult without getting much rest but recently have seen my work degrading when I get tired at the end of my work day. This could be my imagination though, who really knows. Like with many unknowns for me right now, only time will tell I suppose.

Anyway, I don’t want this thing to be a downer all the time, my mind is just very scattered the past couple of weeks with all of the changes that need to happen in my life. I sometimes wonder if I had led a different life to begin with if things would be different now. Likely so, but who has time to wonder what if. I feel like I am racing against time to get things on track now and am not clear on what that even looks like.

At first I thought that getting diagnosed with MS was the worst. I envisioned myself being immobilized and needing a wheelchair. Being 38, that thought was terrifying. Turns out, the hardest part of MS has been turning my whole life around.

I consider myself a pretty social person. I like hanging out with my friends at the local pub more often than I would like to admit. I was a smoker and drank often. The first thing that I changed before even getting diagnosed after the issue with my vision was the smoking. I have been smoke free for over a month now, which feels great!

But I was not.. am not, ready to give up alcohol. One of my nurses (yeah, I have those now) called last week and said that my recent blood work didn’t have great results as far as my liver went (go figure!) and that once I start my medication that I am going to need to watch my drinking or ideally stop drinking altogether. What. The. Fuck.

I manage people for a living. In a call centre for a telecommunications company. Anyone who manages people, especially in that type of environment understands that it’s stressful shit (which is also bad for MS btw) and I really rely on a cold pint after work on rough days.

Hands down, this has been the worst part so far. Next to come is healthy eating and regular exercise. Is it terrible that I will be the healthiest that I have ever been and the thought of it makes me miserable?! Stay tuned.. I guarantee this is going to be a bumpy ride.