Okay so maybe it wasn’t the greatest walk of all time, but it was pretty alright. Also, this is more of a picture book than a blog post but whatever.

We went on another wilderness walk. Instead of frogs, we went to look at goats on a mountain (and their babies!)

Before we met up to start our hike up the mountain, my friend Meghan and I got to see a moose that ran in front of my car. Naturally, we were the first ones there because I drive fast. On a side note, Meghan is my friend from high school that was not speaking to me for a while that I mentioned before. Things are progressing well with that situation.

It was a nice night for a walk and we did see some goats and even some babies. The mosquitos were intense so that sucked a bit but we survived. Around 9:30, knowing that it would be a while until we got home, we told our guide that we were going to head back. No sooner did we say that did a little friend appear right on the trail where we were heading back down the mountain.

After seeing the bear directly in our path, we waited for the rest of the group to leave as well. We spoke loudly down the path back to our vehicles and didn’t see the bear again.

Well it’s been a minute. Sorry for not writing much lately – I’ve also started a journal for my really fucked up thoughts and apparently it is easier to write sometimes when you know that no one will be reading it.

I don’t have much to write about. I need a muse to spark my creative juices. Preferably a man with a good sense of humour. Same old story with the men in my life, the ones that i want are either really far away or are not interested. Bumble is essentially signing-up for a subscription of random cock pictures. Guys do understand that cocks aren’t pretty, right? No one is out here touching herself to the thought of a veiny one-eyed monster.

My life could be used as the plot for a pathetic rom-com sitcom but it would likely not get enough viewers to stay on the air.

Covid cases have really exploded in Whitehorse this week. We are at an all-time high right now and they are expecting our cases to double over the weekend. I plan on hiding out and going camping to get away from people. I booked Friday and Monday off because the weather is supposed to be nice, so I get to have a nice long weekend in the sunshine if all goes according to plan.

Tonight is Thursday night. Thursday (or little Friday) has been a favourite day of mine for a long time. Previously, this day was dubbed ‘Thirsty Thursday’ because my favourite pub has $3 pints all day but since the drinking has really slowed down, Thursday nights now mean that we have golf. I am very glad that I joined the women’s league and I look forward to playing with these ladies every week. Two of the three ladies on my team will also be camping with me this weekend!

The only hiccup to my weekend is that I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning to go over the results of some samples they took out of my back a week or so ago. I had two suspicious moles removed and they tested them for skin cancer. We also planned on discussing my month and a half long period, which I am thrilled to announce since yesterday has stopped!

I’ll also be asking him to refer me to a gynaecologist since I have been researching more PCOS stuff and want to see if they will prescribe me some meds that would help with the whole insulin retention thing and some other negative side effects.

Sunday morning I also have an orthodontist appointment so camping is going to be a mess. Again, thank goodness that I won’t be up drinking all night on Saturday because it sounds like I’ll need to hit the road pretty early!

I have a couple of things to write about that are old news now to a few of you, but I will still post them soon anyway. I’ll also try to post a little more often going forward – once a week is my goal.

Feelings are a trip.

Just when I think that I am starting to get a grip on life and what is going on around me, life throws a little curveball that just messes with things enough to leave me flustered.

Men always say that women are complicated – take a look in the mirror, dude! Still dabbling in online dating and that’s fun for the most part. I decided to lower my age range so I had a bunch of 20 year olds hitting me up — I’ve reassessed now but am still talking to some young meat. 🙈

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time saying no — not a great trait to have in this particular situation. Yesterday, one guy sent me three love songs and a poem that he wrote. So not my jam – that type of attention is way too much for me! I just want to cuddle and have someone tell me that I look pretty sometimes.

I am putting an offer on a condo today. It isn’t the place of my dreams and I find it quite small but I can see myself living there for a couple of years before finding a new place.

This whole process has been very disheartening. I had no idea that finding a place to buy would be so difficult. This has certainly been an eye opening experience. With any luck though, I will have a place to move into soon.

I’m going to meet my realtor this morning to sign papers – hopefully for the last time for a while!

It’s downtown so it will be nice to be able to walk anywhere. I didn’t put a grossly high offer in because I won’t be heartbroken if I don’t get it.

It seemed to get a lot of natural sun and is right across from the community garden so if I do get it, I am hoping to be able to grow some veggies there!

In other news, I had a couple skin samples sent in to test for cancer on a couple of spots that were questionable on my back. I should hear back in about a week on those. Monthly blood and urine samples were done yesterday too so we’ll see how my liver is looking. Best case scenario is that I would be allowed to have 5 drinks per week but they may want to observe my levels for a longer period of time.

I’ve also had my period for almost a month straight. Being on the pill is messing me up! Hopefully things normalize soon so that I can lead a normal life again. It’s not super fun ruining bedding – especially when it isn’t yours. I spoke with my doctor, Jake (yeah, that’s what he goes by..) and he said to tough it out a bit longer and when we discuss my skin results we will see what we can do differently with contraceptives.

Joined a ladies golf league on Thursday nights this year. We’ve played two nights so far and man is it ever a good time! Typically I play a couple rounds of golf every year but this year I think I’m going to be a pro at this rate!

We also played in a tournament on Saturday — when they say that breakfast and lunch are included, you know that it is going to be a long day! The weather was great and was sunny most of the day. I think that everyone had a great time and I was stoked to have been invited.

I don’t own my own clubs so I have been sharing with a friend. I think it’s time to invest in some nice clubs of my own if I will be golfing this much though. Last Thursday I got par on two holes, which I am not sure has ever happened before so I was impressed. I’ve also never golfed sober.. this could be the reason.

On Sunday, I participated in my first ever MS Walk. I took donations for MS and was able to raise quite a bit of money – over $8000!

This year was a virtual event, which was kind of lame, since I haven’t done one before but we made the best of it. My friend Natal and I decided that we would do a hike and decided on a 14 km trail that was close to town. Her husband, Troy and puppy, Ella joined us too!

The hike was more challenging than I had expected but I felt great about doing it. There were parts on the trail where you could end up waist high in mud – this was discovered by Ella, our scout, who ended falling into a huge mud puddle and had to swim her way out.

Natal and I both ended up with soakers around the halfway point and bitched about that for a while. Nothing quite like knowing that you have a 7 km hike to do when your shoes and socks are soaking wet.

Overall, the fundraising was very successful. Like I said, I raised $8414.64 which well exceeded my $5000 goal (which I thought was high and wasn’t sure that I would be able to reach!). It was not the most beautiful day, but the rain didn’t come out and the hike itself was lovely.

I thought I read somewhere that overall we raised over a million dollars but I can’t seem to find that information anywhere anymore. I will investigate further and then update my post once I find out.

UPDATE – $3.65 million dollars we’re raised by the 2021 MS Walk participants 😳

I feel good about the money that I raised and although virtual, there are a lot of people who have uploaded photos of their walks and journeys with MS. I uploaded all my pics and a quick blurb about my story and have received many messages and comments.

This will definitely be a yearly event for me going forward and hopefully we are able to find a cure during my lifetime.

For the last 15 years or so, I have gone camping to Tarfu for May long weekend. Last year being the exception since camping was not opened until later in the summer due to Covid-19.

I have often said that Tarfu is my favourite campground in the Yukon but have come to realize that this is not true. The reason that I’ve grown to love this place is because of the friendships and memories that I have built here year after year.

It’s not uncommon for me to head to Tarfu and meet up with people that I may have not seen in a year. We have always been able to pick up right where we left off and always have a great weekend filled with laughter to cherish for years to come.

This year, like many previous years, I drove out to get a spot on Wednesday night. After work on Thursday (and after finishing up everything that I needed to get done!) I again drove out to my spot.

Thursday was an evening as beautiful as the previous and although I knew that I would be alone for the night and was taking my sweet time to get out to camp as a result, once I arrived (in the dress that I wore to work no less) I had a perfect evening setting up camp, sitting by the fire and reading my book.

The following day was quite gloomy and it rained on and off throughout the day. I spent a lot of my time reading and sitting under my canopy to stay dry. I also had some work to do for a friend, so I brought my sewing machine so that I could finish sewing some curtains, which I did on the picnic table in the afternoon.

When you’re alone like that for long periods of time, a lot of thoughts cross through your mind. I reminisced about the good times that I have had in previous years camping here and eventually ended up getting sad by being there alone now. Maybe I’m not built for this camping alone thing after all.

I shed a few tears by the fire thinking about things and overthinking everything. I decided around 10 pm that I would retire for the night after an acquaintance inquired for the second time what I was doing and why I hadn’t joined them at their site for a beer yet as he drove by.

Not wanting to get into my whole life story and explain why I wasn’t drinking is what prevented me from visiting, and the strong desire to not share all of that.

Just as I was letting my fire die down for the night, my friend pulled into my campsite. I’d already given up hope that anyone would be visiting and felt like I could cry all over again because I was so happy.

He made dinner and we both had a couple drinks and chatted until 1:30 or so in the morning before going to bed for the night. In the morning, we had breakfast and he eventually went back to Whitehorse but said that he might return later that night. He left some of his things just in case, including bear spray for me to take on my hike once he left.

The sun came out briefly so I went on an adventure with the bear spray and a rape whistle (for scaring bears?) in tow. I didn’t see any bears but came across a big moose in the woods. Not wanting to get too close, my picture is weak but at least I lived to tell the story.

There was a wood shortage all weekend, so after my walk I scavenged the forest for wood to burn so that I didn’t freeze overnight.

My friend did come back before dinner time and I couldn’t have been happier. Wood arrived shortly after his return and the campground buzzed momentarily with machines trying to get wood back to their sites as soon as possible.

The wood guy brought us wood directly to our site on his way out when he didn’t see us lined up with the masses, which was very kind. After making us dinner, we spent the rest of the evening around a big fire doing crossword puzzles until bedtime, which was surprisingly a lot of fun.

I am not sure how my weekend would have turned out had I spent it alone. I may have been able to get out of my own head and out of my funk or I may have left early because I couldn’t.

I didn’t tell my friend how I was feeling that night, but he turned my whole weekend around and I am so thankful. I know that he will read it here eventually, so thank you. 😊

Since getting the news about my blood work, I have been excited to have a drink. So this weekend, I decided to finally bite the bullet and had a couple White Claws while I was camping.

For the past few weeks, when I was required to be in social settings where other people are drinking, I have been having near beers. I don’t mind the taste really – my problem is that they have so many carbs. The lowest one I have been able to find has 9gs. White Claws? 1g.

My meal plan is high protein and low carb so I will never be able to eat bread or pasta again if I keep drinking near beer. I simply refuse to allow that to become my new reality.

Needless to say, the White Claws were delicious and I enjoyed both of them very much. I don’t think that they got me drunk despite my complete lack of alcohol consumption of late. I can’t be certain though because I had some edibles beforehand. Oops!

This got me thinking though, do I even bother drinking two drinks a week? I mean, a 6-pack will last me 3 weeks for goodness sakes. If this is my new norm, I am pretty sure that I have enough alcohol to sail me through until my 40th birthday – November 16th 2022.

Truly though, is it even worth it? Who knows. Just one more thing to sort through I suppose.

Camping was fun, as usual. Saturday morning I woke up before 6 am so after snow fell on us for the majority of the morning, I decided that I would lay back down until it had melted. When I woke up for the second time, pleased to see that the snow had all melted, I was able to do my regular routine – meditation and walk.

I am very excited that the camping season is upon us. Next weekend is May long so more camping is on the agenda – not even sure that I am going to unpack my car.

Got an e-mail yesterday from someone in the MS Society thanking me for my amazing fundraising for MS! I am only halfway to my goal so I’ll blow them away if I am able to make it.

They’re sending me a bunch of swag for the fundraising that I’ve done so I can soon rock an MS shirt or hoodie. I also get a tote, a face mask and some wildflower seed bombs!

In addition to that, the lady that reached out, Ashley, also read my little profile and saw that I was relatively newly diagnosed. She checked in to make sure that I had the support I needed and informed me about the Yukon/BC Facebook group for people with MS as well as a bunch of other stuff. It was really quite sweet.

I also asked her if she felt that the 10k walk that I was organizing on the 30th was enough in comparison to past years and it sounds like it is about double what they would usually do. Good – I walk 5k a day so I felt like this walk should be a little different. Sounds like a few people want to walk with me on that day so hopefully it will be fun 🤷🏻‍♀️

I left a voicemail for my nurses this week to see if I could take start taking multivitamins and something call ketones – the product that a gorgeous Scottish guy is trying to get me to try.

Since I have a weakness for good looking men with bright blue eyes, likely I’ll be buying myself Ketones in the future.

So, my nurse said that I can start taking multivitamins, as suggested by my coach but that I should hold off on starting Ketones for a another month to see what my blood work shows. I’ll break it to him gently…..don’t worry.

This obviously isn’t the good news. Or really any news at all. I just wanted to add some eye candy here for the ladies. The good news is that my liver looked good in my recent blood work! Which means that I can increase my alcohol consumption from zero drinks a week to two drinks a week!

So tonight, my first night being able to drink, I did not have a drink. I am a little concerned that I will not be able to stop at just two drinks per week – or even two drinks in an evening. I am going camping this weekend so I will take a couple of drinks out into the wilderness. As in literally a couple to make sure that it is not possible to overindulge.

In other news, one of my high school best friends who decided to shun me for the past couple of years for reasons unknown sent me a text message this afternoon. She said that she was in Whitehorse and wanted to know if I wanted to sit down to talk.

Since I am absolutely dying to know what one does to make her best friend stop speaking to her for years, I will eventually respond. I have already processed most emotions regarding this situation – Sadness and angry mainly.

Last I heard, she was moving to Scotland. Maybe that’s why I told you about the blue eyed stud above. Anyway, more to come with that one for sure.

I can say with certainty that I at the very least have some submissive tendencies. When you take alcohol away, shit can get weird. Like weirder than I ever expected was possible.

Never have I ever thought that I was submissive before but I very clearly react when certain things are said to me.

In my previous post, I spoke about the man who is only interested in being friends. This remains the case and I think we’re doing a good job so far, we speak frequently and both understand that you can’t change the way you feel.

Now the reason for bringing him up is because these feelings began when we started talking. He would say little things that would immediately cause a reaction in me. Things like ‘I am very disappointed’ or ‘Good girl’. I have certainly always been a people pleaser, but this is really some next level shit.

I didn’t know at that point if this was something about him that was making me feel the way I was, or if I really wanted to be submissive. He thought that I should give it a shot with someone else to see how I responded.

And here is where I really fucked up.

A smart person would be really selective with telling someone that they might be intrigued by being a submissive. A smart person, I am not.

So, what’s my next play? Why don’t I tell this cute guy in BC that I’ve been chatting with for a few days and see how things go? What could go wrong? A lot. A lot could go wrong.

I certainly lost control for a bit and made a few decisions that most sane people wouldn’t consider. In the end, I regained some of my composure and did not get fired, so I would call it a small win? I did learn that this is really a thing. I think that I like to please and being called a good girl can cause a deep seeded reaction in me. I also learned that if things get taken too far, I could easily throat punch the guy if they’re being a dick. I guess that’s also good?

My new friend in BC is not meant to be a Dom and is much better suited to be a sweet guy, which is alright. In retrospect, I’m not sure if he didn’t know what he was doing, or maybe it’s that he didn’t believe in the power of the words that he was saying but it simply wasn’t the same. Though I listened to most of his wishes, I didn’t feel the same internal response.

Am I into being tied up and gagged? I’m not so sure about that quite yet – at this point I just want to be told that I am a good girl. I’ll figure out the rest as I go.

Just another new and exciting update in the fucked up world of me.