I’ve lived my life pretty alone for the most part. I mean, I’ve been surrounded by friends and family but I have never had a long term partner.
Until recently, I hadn’t really thought about that being problematic. I feel loved by the people that I surround myself with and that has always seemed to be enough for me.
I am not so sure about that anymore. You see, I’ve gotten myself in a bit of a fucked up situation. I have developed feelings for someone who does not share the same feelings for me. That’s not unusual I suppose and probably happens all the time. What makes this messy is that we have become very close friends and now I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life.
In order to move forward, I need to watch this man develop new relationships with women and as a close friend not only be supportive of this, but should also encourage him finding love.
Is this even possible when the very thought of that brings me to tears and makes me feel like my heart is breaking? When I take a moment to consider the alternative though, not having him in my life at all seems much worst. This thought also brings me to tears because I want to be able to talk to him about my life and to hear what’s happening in his.
I think that I had myself convinced that he might start to develop feelings for me. Why wouldn’t he? I am funny, sweet, caring and thoughtful – I’m pretty awesome. I’ve now started to accept that this will not be the case, which is overall more painful to digest but I think that acceptance is important in order to move forward with my life and for us to have any real sort of real chance at a continued friendship, which is what I want.
All you can do is live life one day at a time. Learn, grow and repeat. I know that whatever happens here, we will stay friends for a very long time. The journey to get there might be a challenge but I know that it is worth it.
My MSsy Life 